Florida State is Back!

Welcome to FLORIDA STATE HATE WEEK FOLKS!

I’d personally like to welcome the Noles back to college football relevancy. It’s been a long 7 years, but it’s nice to see some spirit in Tallahassee again. Keeping this wine and cheese conference afloat without them for almost a decade has been exhausting.

In keeping with last week’s theme, I first want to acknowledge that it’s not out of the realm of possibility that they walk into Death Valley on Saturday and lay an epic beat down on the Tigers. Despite showing Championship Level Hydration against Tom Herman and FAU last week, I trust this Clemson team about as much as I trust a fart after a night of binging on hot curry, banana pudding and malt liquor.

Then again, what the hell Florida State? I was all set to hype you up this week and you go and almost lose to Boston College? You let a team that lost to Northern Illinois in their opener, and pulled out a win over Holy Cross by the skin of their teeth challenge you? After what you did to LSU? It’s understandable that you were looking ahead to the mighty Clemson Tigers, but giving up 29 to B.C.?

It kinda makes you think doesn’t it?

Hypothetically speaking, what if Florida State isn’t back?

You know that’s the question that wakes folks in the panhandle up in the middle of the night almost as much as the sound of a repo truck hooking up a Trans-Am at 3 AM.

Don’t misquote me here. I am in no way saying that Florida State isn’t back. They played a dominant half of football against LSU in the first game of the year. That means they’re 100% back, but what if they weren’t?

What if Jimbo Fisher squeezed the last drop of Bowden magic out of the program? I’m not saying he did, but maybe whatever made the Noles a special college football program got tossed to the curb with Jimbo’s Christmas Tree?

That’s silly of course. Florida State cares too much about football to not be back. Granted, Miami claims to care about football a great deal, and they’ve been back, and then back down more times than I can remember in the last decade. I’m sure that dominant half of football over LSU wasn’t like one of the cruel jokes Miami has pulled on their fans. It’s nothing like Randy Shannon’s 2009 Hurricane team that started off the season winning in Tallahassee against the 18th ranked Noles, and at home against 14th ranked Georgia Tech, before getting blasted on the road in Blacksburg by the 11th ranked Hokies. There is no way 2023 Florida State is 2009 Miami back though. I don’t know why I brought that up.

If I were a Florida State fan I wouldn’t be worried at all about Saturday. If South Carolina can walk into Death Valley and leave with a win, it shouldn’t be an issue for the team that outscored LSU 31-7 in the second half. Ok, so it could be problematic for the team that was outscored by Boston College in the second half 19-14, but that’s not the important half of football, the wind was blowing too hard and it doesn’t count.

Anyway, the point I’m trying to make is Florida State, home of two time consensus All-American, College Football Hall of Fame Member, former NWA Florida Heavy Weight Champion, MCW Southern Tag Team Champion, OVW Southern Tag Team Champion, WCW World Heavy Weight Champion, WCW/NWA World Tag Team Champion, WCW United Stated Tag Team Champion, WWF Tag Team Champion, Head of the legendary Nation of Domination Faction, Member of the Undertakers Acolytes, Class of 2012 WWE Hall of Fame member Ron Simmons, AKA Doom #1, AKA Faarooq, AKA Faarooq Asaad, is 100% not Miami of the panhandle, and are absolutely back.

And look...

Clemson is a tough place to win. If something unfair happens and the Tigers do manage to win, and again, I’m not saying it’s going to happen, but if they do, it’s probably because they cheated. It doesn’t mean Florida State isn’t back. It just means they lost their 8th straight game to Clemson, which again, won’t be an issue, because they are totally going to win the game. No question about it. All of those 5* kids on Clemson are trash, and there is no way that they shook something loose against FAU. This is FSU’s conference again for as long as they are in the conference!

You do sort of wonder what would happen if Clemson did happen to win this game though. I mean the Washington Generals knocked off the Harlem Globetrotters once, Clemson winning a big game in Death Valley isn’t out of the realm of possibilities. I’m not saying it’s going to happen in this realm, because Florida State is clearly the better team, but if it were to happen, that would certainly make things interesting.

Florida State hasn’t had this sort of momentum since, well, since last year when they started off 4-0, including a win over LSU, and then dropped a 31-21 game to Wake Forest last season. Lessons were learned, there’s no way they’re going let that happen again. If they do though, were does that put them? There’s no way a team like Florida State could end up in perpetual limbo like their early 90’s rivals Nebraska.

Losing to Clemson, and they’re not going to lose to Clemson, but losing to Clemson wouldn’t set off any sort of downward spiral like losing to Wake Forest did last season. No way they do something like drop 2 of the next 3, and end in some second rate bowl game playing a down on their luck blue blood in a game that would have been way more exciting in the mid 90’s, on a random Tuesday in December, because they’re not going to lose on Saturday.

I feel like I’m rambling now. I’m contractually obligated to write this article, but I know it’s pointless because the outcome of this game isn’t in question. There is no reason for Noles fans to have sort of a gnawing feeling in their guts right now. You know that feeling you get when you’re excited, but also sorta concerned things might not break your way? That’s not what FSU fans should be feeling. They shouldn’t be having stress dreams where they wake up in the morning and find out that Willie Taggart found some sort of loophole in his old contract and is now coaching the team again. It’s wasted stress on a Clemson team that beat them at home last season, and is the defending ACC Champion. There’s no way they could lose to that team.

WELCOME BACK FLORIDA STATE! We’ve missed you, and I assure you, you have nothing to worry about on Saturday, unless you do, but I wouldn’t worry too much about that. I’m sure everything will be fine. I mean if you think about it in the big picture, college football doesn’t matter that much anyway. No reason to lose any sleep over these next few nights.