Syracuse Isn’t Ready - HATE

I’m back folks! Not just with my captivating, mind blowing, and indisputably elite hate article, but in the corporeal form as well. That’s right folks, the moment you’ve been waiting for has arrived. Drew has finally returned to Clemson, by God, South Carolina. Now, this is simply a trial run. I’ll be in Clemson tonight to partake in some homecoming festivities and child brainwashing, but I won’t be in attendance tomorrow. That happens later in the year for the Miami game, but trust me, a little Drew goes a long way. My aura will still be hanging over Clemson tomorrow afternoon as the Tigers squeeze the orange.

I considered attending this slaughter in person, but tickets are expensive, and I can’t justify spending that much money to watch a game that is done and dusted by halftime. I can get the same things at the Miami game for a better price (unless someone wants to donate a ticket and receive the privilege of attending the game with a minor (soon to be major) Clemson celebrity....(just kidding...unless you wanna do it). This Syracuse team is nothing but hype and home field advantage, but watching ‘Cuse twitter try to convince themselves that they can win....in Death Valley (home of the longest home winning streak in the nation) has been amusing this week.

The 6-0, UNDEFEATED ‘CUSE HYPE, has even spilled over to the Syracuse football team.

After gracing the Clemson bulletin board with this piece of wisdom, Mr. Chestnut continued speaking...

Oh man, just...man...If I were a 200 pound defensive back about to be tasked with tackling the largest, angriest running quarterback in captivity, I wouldn’t personally challenge him. Chestnut is going to be looking for the patented D.J. stanky leg right until the rampaging Samoan Bulldozer (R.I.P. Ed Fatua...Aka Umaga) gives him a view of the cloudless, crystal blue sky hanging above Death Valley.

Speaking of the sky, this will be the second one Syracuse has seen this season. They are 6-0, with 5 of those wins coming in the decrepit airplane hangar they call a “dome”. Their only away game this season came in week 2 against the mighty UConn Huskies. For a team that’s feeling themselves for the first time in a while, they certainly haven’t dominated games despite their perpetual home field advantage.

I covered the Purdue game for the Boilermaker’s SB Nation site, and buddy, Purdue won that game everywhere but on the scoreboard. It took a 15 yard taunting penalty and a 15 yard unsportsmanlike penalty on the Purdue coach after the go ahead 4th quarter Purdue touchdown to help the ‘Cuse pull off the home miracle despite giving up 424 yards and 3 touchdowns to Purdue’s Aidan O’Connell (who is the only quarterback with a pulse they’ve faced this season...so much for that top 5 defense).

They followed that game up with a 22-20 win over UVA that required their kicker to be perfect on his five field goal attempts (including the go-ahead field goal with under 2 minutes remaining). Folks, not to speak ill of Tony Elliot, but UVA is not just bad, but “Gamecock Bad” at the moment. The 5th RANKED!!!! Syracuse defense is the only FBS team to allow the Cavaliers to hit 20 points...at home...in the unnatural confines of the worst venue in college football.

The best win this paper orange has on their resume this year is NC State, but keep in mind, this was against a broken Wolfpack squad. Clemson beat the Wolfies into the fetal position, FSU finished them off the next week by taking out star Pack QB Devin (don’t call me Dennis) Leary (dude is tough, hope he has a speedy recovery), and Syracuse picked the bones while claiming the kill like a pack of orange jackals claiming the rotting, picked over carcass after the Tigers have their fill.

Don’t believe the hype, this isn’t the 14th best team in the nation, they’re just another run of the mill ACC squad with a front loaded home schedule. In December, we’ll look back at the 7-5 Orange and laugh at the hype coming into this game. They’ve thrived on playing mediocre opponents in a building better suited for storing construction material. The Carrier Dome...excuse me....the JMA Wireless Dome provides Syracuse with a decisive home field advantage, the same way shooting on your slightly tilted driveway basketball goal gives you and advantage in H.O.R.S.E. The Dome is awful, but ‘Cuse knows how to use that to their advantage.

I’ll give it to the Orange faithful, the dome can get loud. Granted, if I locked 12 people in my laundry room it would get loud as well. If I took those same 12 people and put them an open field, the sound wouldn’t even register. That’s the built in advantage of the Carrier Wireless Enroll Dome (I think that’s right). It only seats 50K disinterested ‘Cuse fans who missed out on Lacrosse tickets, but because they cram them into the football stadium equivalent of a Bonnaroo Porta-Potty, they sound much louder than they would in a real football stadium.

The Syracuse players won’t know what to do when they take the field tomorrow. It’s going to be a chamber of commerce day in God’s Country, South Carolina. After spending five of their first six weeks playing inside a converted fertilizer warehouse, it may take 'Cuse a half to become accustomed to the ball of fire sitting in the sky the rest of us call “the sun”. They’ve spent two months playing in the miasma of crotch fumes and chili burps that make up the “air” of the Pier 1 Imports Dome at K-Mart Field. I’m concerned their lungs won’t be able to process the clear, clean unfettered air of Memorial Stadium. Instead of playing on a surface composed of ground up tires mixed with medical waste with only pom-pom strands straining to cover a cracked concrete slab, they’ll have to deal with a substance I like to call “grass” that grows in “dirt”. After playing football in modified track shoes all season, the change to actual cleats (as God intended), that grip into the ground instead of bouncing off of it may be too much to overcome.

All of this is to say: don’t buy into the hype tomorrow. This is a cute little Syracuse team with a couple nice parts, but nothing more than that. They’ve been gassed up by a their schedule, but tomorrow they’ve got an iconic college football dynasty gearing up for their traditional late season domination. They’ve made a few bucks playing in their home poker game and now they think they’re ready for a high stakes game at the Bellagio.

They’re not ready.

Syracuse is going to come into Clemson with confidence tomorrow morning. They’re going to slink out the back door and high tail it back to Upstate New York tomorrow afternoon missing their car, watch, rent money, and 3 gold teeth. The Tigers will have the Orange blob slinging popcorn the rest of the season to cover their debt.

I’m not only predicting a Clemson victory, I’m predicting a Clemson domination.

If you’re out and about in Clemson tonight, and you run into the most handsome man you’ve ever seen, don’t hesitate to say hello. Many find my rugged good looks intimidating, but I can assure you, I like interacting with my public. If the crush doesn’t get too bad, I’ll even bless you with a picture to memorialize one of the best moments of your life. It’s not every day you get a chance to brush up against greatness.

Stay safe, Go Tigers, and I hope to see you out tonight.