What’s up y’all, I’m back after a week of rewriting the same article three times and then scrapping it because it made me sound like a entitled whiner. I’m going to take my own advice, relax a little, and remember that this is supposed to be fun (but I swear I will publish the most whiny, entitled version of the article if my demands for a moderately exciting offense aren’t met...looking at you Dabo and Tony).
Now...onto Georgia Tech
How To Hate Georgia Tech
I’m not going to lie folks, this part of the season gets a bit tedious. I’ve hated on Georgia Tech for a while now, and I’m running out of things to say. How do you hate a program that resembles twice eaten dog vomit? Hating Georgia Tech is like hating a dead squirrel on the side of the road having it’s guts sorted through by vultures. The Yellow Jackets might elicit a feeling of disgust, possibly even pity, but hating something as pathetic as this Georgia Tech program is difficult, even for me.
I’m just glad I’m here and able to help my Tiger fans rekindle the hate in their belly that, in my opinion, has missing from ACC play. I understand it’s difficult to hate a team that couldn’t beat our third-string on their best day and our third-string’s worst day. I get that the game will be over well before the halftime whistle blows, but that’s not excuse friends...no sir!
We’ve lost our edge boys. We’ve grown soft in our hate. Always remember, we hate the jersey, we don’t hate the team. I don’t care how pathetic they are today, because I remember when they thought they were better than Clemson. Hell, I remember when they were better than Clemson, and that alone makes the bile bubble up from my guts and my fists clench.
Clemson vs Georgia Tech - 2000
The key, my loyal readers, is to have a long memory. I attended Clemson from 1999-2003. Those were my formative Georgia Tech hating years, and buddy, the hating was good in that era. You had George “Big Resume” O’Leary turning beat red on the sidelines. (Did you know he was the first top gun fighter pilot to kill a grizzly bear with one hand tied behind his back, it’s listed under the Skills section?) You had crushing Tommy Bowden losses. Georgia Tech fans even took a mild interest in the their program and would occasionally try and talk the nerdiest smack ever uttered. The largest margin of victory over my four years at Clemson was 5 points in 2002. Things were tight, this game was must see television and not “I’ll probably DVR the 2nd half to check out the Clemson reserves while I check on more interesting games” television. This game, at one point, was fun.
I think back on the 2000 game, in particular, and grind my teeth. The 5th ranked, undefeated Tigers, led by the Golden Child Tommy Bowden, the Innovator of Offense, Rich Rod, and Woody “born a decade too soon” Dantlzer faced off against a two-loss Georgia Tech team on October 28th, and lost on a last second Tech touchdown.
Woody was hobbled with a bad ankle, gave it a go in the first half, but was pulled for Willie Simmons at halftime. The Clemson offense struggled, but special teams came up huge with a blocked punt that ended up on the 1-yard line and an 88-yard Brian Mance punt return. I remember lean, long haired, 20 year old Drew, hopped on cheap booze and the confidence of youth, losing his mind when Rod Gardner made a diving catch with under 2 minutes remaining to give Clemson a 4-point lead. All the defense had to do was keep them out of the endzone, and Clemson was heading into the Florida State game undefeated, with a legit chance at both the ACC and National Championship.
Instead, Tech drove down the field, in less than 2 minutes, and ended the game with a 20ish yard touchdown pass with less than 10 seconds remaining. I stood on the hill in shock, and then swore a blood oath against the Yellow Jackets for ruining what was setting up to be an epic night of partying.
You need help hating Georgia Tech? Watch this and remember.
I Just Want to Win an ACC Championship!
The year is 2009 and I’m furious that Dabo Freaking Swinney, the dude that danced around on the sidelines calling in plays under Bowden was named head coach because Clemson was out of money, and didn’t care about winning football games anymore (according to my message board hot takes). Clemson faced off against the Yellow Jackets in the second game of the season, and lost 27-30. If you’ll recall, Clemson gave up 21 points in the first quarter, dug their way out of the hole, to take the lead at the start of the 4th quarter, and then went limp on offense. Tech cashed in on 2 field goals, and I was left seething. “Why fire Bowden if we’re going to play like a Tommy Bowden team!” I clearly remember screaming at the television before running off to embarrass myself on a message board.
The Tigers had a chance at redemption in 2009. Through the miracle ACC mediocrity, the three-loss Tigers got another shot at the Jackets in Atlanta for the ACC Championship game. I decided before the game that if Clemson won, I would forever shut up about the disastrous Dabo hire....and...of course...they lost 34-39 in soul crushing fashion. Clemson was tight at half, came out flat in the 3rd quarter, and gave up 17 points, stormed ahead with 14 straight in the 4th, and then lost on a Tech touchdown with under 2 minutes remaining. C.J. Spiller ran for 233 yards and 4 touchdowns on 20 carries, Ellington ran for 63 yards and a touchdown on 5 carries, and Clemson still managed to lose the game.
I was irate and said some truly idiotic things on the internet. I thank all deities that twitter was not a thing after this game, because my only saving grace was my limited audience.
Looking back, losing that game sucked, but the real tragedy was that Clemson could have ended my Dabo hot takes that night, but instead, squandered a lead yet again, and forced me to pump out trash on the message boards for another two seasons (halted by the 2011 ACC Championship win over Virginia Tech). I was unhinged during the 2010, and absolute lunatic. Think of all the stupid stuff I wouldn’t have said, but for that Georgia Tech win. Think of all the time I would have saved furiously typing away, preaching the anti-Swinney gospel, if Tech wouldn’t have won that game. In a way, all of my Dabo hot takes in 2010-2011 were caused by Georgia Tech.
They forced me to embarrass myself, and I hate being embarrassed.
Still don’t understand how we lost this game. Watch this and stew in your hatred.
I could go on with hateful Georgia Tech memories for an another 10,000 words, but I’ll let y’all handle that in the comments. I would, however, be remiss if I didn’t mention the controversy de-jour heading into this game. Gone are the days of George O’Leary, Reggie Ball, Calvin Johnson, Demaryius Thomas, Paul Johnson, Jonathan Dwyer, and respectable Georgia Tech football. All we have left is Geoff Collins (whoever that is), losses to Northern Illinois, and WEIGHT LIFTING ON THE CLEMSON SIDELINES!
Folks, never forgot the grave insult levied at Clemson by the Yellow Jackets in 2019.
Don’t Watch this Clip at Work!
(disclaimer: STS and Drew Schneider are absolved of responsibility for any crime you may commit, or anger stroke you may suffer after watching this clip)
I have never seen this in all my years around football. Never. Georgia Tech pregame! pic.twitter.com/u5gfSBNK9b— David Pollack (@davidpollack47) August 29, 2019
Ladies and gentlemen, take a deep breath, count to 10, do some yoga...whatever you need to do to get the blood pressure down after watching the vile Yellow Jackets besmirch our sideline.
You don’t lift weights in someone else’s house. You just don’t.
Imagine showing up to a dinner party and saying, “Excuse me, do you mind if I move the hutch a little so I can get the proper depth on my squats?”
“Hey, do you mind if I use your ottoman as a bench, or should I go get mine out of the truck?”
“Excuse me Mam, if you don’t mind, could you jump on my back, I need some more resistance on these lunges.”
Last season, Dabo snapped out of his “I guess we’ll only beat them by 50 malaise” and delivered an old fashioned butt cutting to the insidious insects, but 73-7 has done nothing to slake my thirst for retribution. It’s time for Corporate Dabo to take the week off and let the man from Pelham by God Alabama loose. I want, no...I demand... a point for every rep performed on our sideline. I want Big Cinco off the leash and bulldozing Tech defenders on the way to the endzone. I want Justyn Ross to transform into Justyn Moss and snatch deep balls out of the hands of unsuspecting defensive backs late into the 4th quarter. I need the offensive line to...deep breath...play reasonably well and hold the line of scrimmage on most plays, perhaps open an occasional hole on the inside zone play (don’t want to get greedy).
All I need the defense to do is play their normal game. Anything above that is banned by the Geneva Conventions.
They lifted on our field, and now they must pay the consequences.
I’m tired of watching the Tigers go through the motions while comfortably beating ACC foes. It’s time to flex our collective muscles. It’s time for Clemson to shake off our baby face “little ol’ Clemson” persona and make the full heel turn. I think we can put 80 up on the Yellow Jackets, and honestly, anything less than 50 against this school of pencil necked geeks is tantamount to a loss in my book.
I swear I will pay whoever does the pregame interview a hefty sum of...uh (looks around the room) cats to remind Dabo of the desecration of our sacred playing surface two seasons ago. I want him running down the hill like the Ultimate Warrior and not like an accountant who likes to spend his weekends gardening. I want to scream “MORE, MORE, MORE” as the points rain down on the Yellow Jackets like biblical fire and brimstone. I don’t want to hear one word about “holding stuff back for the playoffs” because if Clemson doesn’t go out and eviscerate every ACC pretender in their path, there won’t be CFP. If the only thing that motivates us to play hard is the CFP these days...so be it. Georgia plays Georgia Tech at the end of the year, and the margin of victory could play a small role in the decision. You know Kirby isn’t going to take his foot off the gas (I hate even making that argument, but I’m desperate).
We’ve played fat and happy football for too long. It’s time to regain the edge that propelled us to greatness, and it all starts with making Georgia Tech rue the day they ruined the party plans of 20 year old Drew.
Let’s get after it.