B.C. Has a New Coach? - Hate!

Sup y’all? I’m back after another two week layoff due to this stupid stomach thing I’ve been battling the last few months. I think I’m back on the right track now, and I’ve got plenty of hate built up in my system after suffering through the Syracuse game without a single alcoholic beverage (the horror).

Speaking of the Syracuse game...WTF guys?

I know college teams can’t be razor sharp every time out, but I didn’t anticipate Clemson sleeping through the noon kick. Trevor looked like he was trying to derail his Heisman campaign. Travis claims he ate the wrong cereal before the game, but I’m not 100% convinced he didn’t mistakenly eat a warm bowl of cement because that’s what it looked like from my perspective. Throw in our suddenly slippery fingered wide outs who refuse to beat man coverage (Amari is exempt from this complaint) and an offensive line that had no interest in opening up holes against a Syracuse defense that couldn’t contain the vaunted Liberty rushing attack, and that game was brutal in the first half. Oh, and we got another kick blocked because getting kicks blocked is a thing we’re doing in 2020.

Luckily, we decided to play football in the second half and were able promptly dispatch The Orange, but the entire team, including the head coach, needed a foot up their rear end at halftime. Seriously, Dabo looked like someone slipped him a sedative in the first half. I guess he’s going with a kinder, gentler Dabo, but at some point I’m going to need to see him show as much emotion during the game as he does in the post-game presser...but I digress.

We’ve got Boston College on the menu this week....LET’S HATE!

Jeff Hafley

I had a vague notion that Boston College hired a new coach, but I had no idea they hired Jeff Hartley, mainly because I have no idea who Halfred is. Upon inspecting his wiki page, it turns out I hate him.

Geoff was the co-Defensive Coordinator/Secondary Coach for Ohio State last season, and I hate all things Ohio State. The last time we saw Jeffery’s defense in action it gave up a 4 play, 94 yard drive to lose the Fiesta Bowl, followed by his boy Ryan making a fool out of himself in the post-game presser even though they had not one, but two chances to seal the game and didn’t have the nuts to get the job done.

The Buckeye’s choking against the only functional offense they faced all season was enough for Haltfree to snag the dead end B.C. gig, once again showing that Boston College has the same commitment to winning football games as Clemson has to winning in lacrosse. Apparently Jeffey got the job because of his recruiting prowess, because we all know it’s super hard to recruit players to Ohio State.

You know who else was a “great recruiter” at Ohio State?

Tom Herman, and I wouldn’t hire him to coach a co-ed intramural flag football team. I assume Harflea will end up being Herman minus the bank account.

Anyway, I’ve wasted enough of my time talking about the Boston College. They’re not good at football, they won’t be good at football any time soon, and their only hope to keeping the game on Saturday within 4 touchdowns is if Clemson has their Gatorade spiked with Ketamine (which, come to think of it, may explain what happened against Syracuse).

an Ohio State

The Big10 is back baby!

After a slow start in Columbus, the O.$.U. was able to dispatch the increasingly pathetic Corn Huskers. The only drama in this one was Ryan Day claiming that he couldn’t run the kneel down play because his back-up quarterback was incapable of...kneeling, I guess? Day then apologized for kicking Scott Frost’s teeth in and Frost accepted the apology while searching for his teeth and his pride (shouldn’t have left UCF Scotty).

I don’t care about running up the score. In fact, I encourage it. Day claiming that his back-up quarterback doesn’t know how to run the kneel-down play is way more insulting than saying “their job is to stop us from scoring.”

Nebraska

This is the only time I’ll mention Nebraska in one of these articles because no one cares about Nebraska outside of Nebraska, but they are racing Florida State to the bottom of college football.

I won’t comment on what’s going on with the Wisconsin game, and the Corn Huskers not being about to play UTC, but folks, Nebraska claims to be upset because not playing this weekend may negatively effect their chances of making the college football playoff...ahahahahahaha...hahahahahahahaha..ahahahahahahhaha.ahahahahhahahah...ahasdfasdfasdfh.....GASP...I can’t breath....tasdfaj...OK....pull it together.....no...I can’t..asdfaldkfj ahahahahahaah!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nebraska can be mad for legit reasons, but their C.F.P. aspirations ain’t one of those reasons.

The SEC Human Centipede

Tennessee beats South Carolina

“The Vols are back baby!” Smokey is on the hunt!

South Carolina Beats Auburn

“WILL THE THRILL IS FINALLY PUTTING IT TOGETHER!” Football is back in Columbia! Shine up the Bronze Cock!

LSU Beats South Carolina

Guh Tigaaahs! We still duh Champs!

Note:

Out of the 4 teams I listed above, only LSU makes it past the bad/mediocre threshold, and that’s only because they have enough talent to occasionally overcome their terrible coaching.

In Conclusion

Let’s crush Boston College this weekend and watch the rest of college football burn.