Disclaimer: My wife has a Doctorate from Texas A&M and I’ve got a Masters. We spent 7 years in the arid, treeless wasteland known as College Station. I’ll be spending the weekend and attending the game with a bunch of my Aggie friends. They are some of the best people I know. If I show up to the game covered in bruises, it means they read this article and sheeted me and beat me with tube socks stuffed with bars of soaps.
Further Disclaimer: I’m working on this in the car between St. Louis and Knoxville. My wife, daughter and I are making the trek from Manhattan, Kansas to Clemson. Dr. Sarah is great at many things…driving isn’t one of them. A struggle for the last Pringle in the can almost plunged us into the Missouri River.
It’s that time again folks. The mighty Clemson Tigers come into this game on the back of a shockingly disappointing 40 point victory over Georgia Tech. Is Trevor Lawrence even good at football? Does the defense have the physical capability to make a tackle? Will K’Von Wallace give up a touchdown on every deep pass? These questions remain unanswered in the minds of many (a few…maybe just Finebaum?).
Sure, Travis Etienne could have broken the NCAA rushing record and the offensive line committed crimes against the Tech defensive line that are clearly enumerated in the Geneva Conventions, but Clemson wasn’t perfect, and when you’re Clemson, perfection, not the other team, is the only challenge left. Such is life when you’re perched atop the college football throne. The Tigers will need to be a little closer to perfect on Saturday when then Aggies from Texas A&M bring their pretty dog and coverall clad cheerleaders into Death Valley. Let’s get to the hate.
Texas A&M and the SEC Aristocracy
A decade ago, Clemson and Texas A&M were similar football schools.
We were both stuck in garbage conferences run by corrupt, self-indulgent degenerates (Texas in A&M’s case and the Tobacco Road Mafia in Clemson’s case).
The Aggies had a choice.
They could stick it out in the Big 12, struggle under the Texas yoke, and try and punch them in the mouth (on the field of course) until anything they said or did was laughable. Or they could leave the conference they helped found, leave the oppression of Texas and the arrogance of Longhorns, and join the SEC.
The Aggies decided to take their ball and run to the SEC., leaving their tormentors in Austin to rule over their Big 12 fiefdom without their natural rival to push around. The Aggies were finally free from the Longhorn tyranny that oppressed them for decades.
What Texas A&M didn’t understand at the time, and still don’t understand is that selling out to the SEC is never the answer. They sold one tyrant for a cabal of tyrants. A&M may have eventually conquered Texas, but they will never conquer the SEC.
The SEC is a conference of bluebloods, and I mean that in the, sickly, physically deformed, hemophilic way. The Aggies foolishly joined the SEC. thinking they would be judged on their merits; that they could become bluebloods by joining the bluebloods club. They thought chanting SEC. and welcoming three-toothed Florida fans to Aggieland would put them on equal footing with the rest of the conference. They thought that joining the SEC. would finally, finally afford them the respect they felt they deserved.
Sadly, we know the truth.
You can’t join the bluebloods, you can either drive them off the throne or you become the hired help.
Clemson drove the consumptive blue-blooded monarchs off the throne. A&M bent the knee, kissed the ring, in hopes of joining them.
When Nick Saban’s bunions are acting up, he snaps his fingers and Lady Rev comes running to provide a footrest. When the LSU gumbo isn’t spicy enough, A&M is sent to the store to fetch more seasoning. When the bowties at Ole Miss aren’t sitting quite right, A&M runs into to straighten them. The Aggies sold a proud and defiant college football history for an opportunity to “open up a new television market for the SEC machine” and “provide Alabama and LSU with better access to Texas recruiting.” They are merely an errand boy to their new SEC. overlords. They’re no better than Arkansas, Missouri, or dare I say, South Carolina.
In fact, Texas A&M could run off three straight National Championships, and Ole Miss and Mississippi State would still thumb their nose at them during a meeting of the old boys SEC club. Much like the aristocracy, the SEC isn’t a merit-based conference. If you weren’t around in 1932 when Florida, Georgia, Kentucky, Tennessee, Vandy, Alabama, Auburn, LSU, Ole Miss, and Mississippi State decided to form the conference, you’ll always be considered an outsider. In essence, A&M decided to become a more functional version of South Carolina, and no matter what they do, the SEC will always consider them merely a more functional version of South Carolina.
Cutting This Short
I’m not sure this is my best work, but considering the circumstances, it’s the best I’ve got. I can’t exhaust all my hate in this article, because for the first time in five years, I get to fully express my hatred of our opponent live and in person. I’ll be out at the bars in Clemson Friday night (I’ll most likely post up at T.D.’s and will be trekking around campus on Saturday. If you appreciate my work, and you’re in town, feel free to buy me a beer, invite me (and my troop of Aggie friends) to your tailgate, or just say, “what up.” I’d like to meet some fellow haters in person. If you’re not sure what I look like, check out my twitter profile @legendofSM.
See y’all at the game.