Boston College? A Threat? Please......

Hello everyone, I’m back. After a fun week of bashing a Louisville squad that had forgotten their place in college football over the last few years, it’s time to focus on a mid-level ACC team from Massachusetts. There’s no rivalry, there’s no threat, and honestly, I’m only really interested in this game because I want to see if how many different positions Christian Wilkins plays in his return home and sweatshirt Dabo, so I’ll keep this short and to the point.

College Gameday

Photo by Justin K. Aller/Getty Images

How can you say this game is boring? COLLEGE FREAKIN’ GAMEDAY is going to be live and stirring up strong emotions in the dozens of confused people wandering through the set on their way to do something else.

I’ll give it to College Gameday though, they have managed to keep up with the college football times. In the beginning, College Gameday felt like something real and organic. It was a chance for ESPN to check out cool places, show some local culture, and have some fun. Over the years, it’s slowly morphed into a soulless, formulaic slog and money grab, which in a lot of ways, perfectly mirrors the worst aspects of modern college football.

I know exactly how College Gameday is going to go this week, so I’ll go ahead and fill you in so you can get some work done around the house.

Desmond Howard

Desmond is going to wear a nice suit, barely contain his lust for Jim Harbaugh, say some mildly controversial things, searching desperately for a reaction to validate his role as resident pot stirrer. He’ll miss about half his picks, but will manage to keep his chair from rolling off the set, which is probably his most important function.

David Pollack

David is going to look like he is on the tail end of a 5 year juice fast, say a few things that you’ve already heard 15 times this week, and will start checking is watch around 11:45 because he’s got a Pilates class scheduled for 12:30 and doesn’t want to miss the warm up. There will be at least one close shot of David looking into the camera and saying something with passion.

Rece Davis

Rece will play the roll of exasperated preschool teacher trying to keep a bunch of sugar crazed four year olds in line. At some point he’ll tell someone (probably Desmond) to hold up a minute and then make a counter point. This will be met with much shouting from at least 2 other cast members, at which point, Rece will once again look exasperated.

Kirk Herbstreit

Kirk will be on the set, but you’re going to have a hard time focusing on what he says, because you believe this is going to be the day that the top button of his shirt finally gives out, flies off and injures someone in the crowd. The only reason I watch Gameday at all is my morbid fascination with Kirk’s ever growing head and neck.

Lee Corso

Coach Corso will do his little shtick, say “Not So Fast My Friend” a few times and struggle to put on the mascot head.

Maria Taylor

Maria will have a human interest story about someone associated with Boston College. Sometimes those are worth watching, shout out to Maria.

Guest Picker

The guest picker will be a bro country singer you’re never heard of with a new album out titled: Going Down to the Lake in my Truck to Put My Toes in the Sand With My Baby and Drink Some Cold Beer While Thinkin’ About Earnhardt, Partying All Summer Long, While Dreamin’ About the Good Old Days. He’ll either be wearing a cowboy hat or baseball cap, depending on which sect of bro country he represents. He might even hand out samples from his new fragrance line, which will smell strikingly similar to skunked Bush Light.

Clemson Prediction

All the cast members will pick Clemson to win the game, but at least one (probably Desmond again) will claim it will “closer than the experts expect.”

If you would like to throw me a few dollars for the time I saved you this week, hit me up on twitter.

Boston College

Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images

I’ve fallen into the “this B.C. team is different” trap once this year, and I’m not falling for it again. I also write for Hammer and Rails (Purdue’s SB Nation Site) and I was beating the B.C. drum earlier this year. I told everyone they were going to dominate Purdue on the ground and then hit them over the top with play action, because that’s what I had been sold.

Purdue held B.C. to under 100 yards rushing (yes AJ Dillon was playing and healthy), forced their QB into 4 interceptions, and had the game salted away at halftime. I spent most of an article (click link for article) calling myself an idiot because I believed the B.C. hype, and I was absolutely right....I was an idiot for believing in B.C. football.

This B.C. team is yet another mid level ACC team propped up by beating other slightly more garbage ACC teams. Unlike SEC sycophants, I’m more than willing to call out the rest of the ACC for being terrible at football. Boston College has risen up the conference rankings not by improving, but by staying the same while everyone else regressed. B.C. is a 6 win team that’s going to win at least 8 games because they are an average squad in a below average conference.

I’ve got no real hate for Boston College. They’re not worth my effort. This will be one of the “biggest” games in recent B.C. football history and their stadium won’t be full. People that should be B.C. football fans don’t care about B.C. football and that makes it impossible to care about them as well.

This is going to be another stress free Saturday for Clemson fans. Hope y’all enjoy it, because things are going to start heating in December.