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Clemson Opponents Review: Week 3

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In this episode of 100 Words or Less, nobody understands the ACC Coastal anymore, Wake Forest punches math in the groin, and I told you dog, I told you about the SEC East.

Raj Mehta-USA TODAY Sports

(13) Georgia Bulldogs (1-1) at (14) South Carolina Gamecocks (2-1)

Don't be surprised if they still beat Georgia, though. Such is the SEC East.

You didn't believe me, did you? I could spend 200 words on this 38-35 South Carolina victory, but we all know I only need five: don't trust a college kicker. What? I do need more? Fine. The Georgia secondary was Clemsonian in its failure, but Todd Gurley kept things close. In fact, down three and driving, Georgia should have won. But they didn't. Because they did not, in fact, give it to Gurley when they neared the goal line on that crucial drive. I'm not sure why, but I do know Mark Richt has once again lost control of the temperature of his seat, as is right and proper. On the other side, Dylan Thompson went for 271 and three touchdowns. Don't ask me how the Gamecocks defense worked, but it gets better every week. I think?

South Carolina State Bulldogs (1-2)

We go down the MEAC rabbit hole in week three, where SC State got smoked by Coastal Carolina 30-3. Well, I say smoked, but looking at the box score (the only acknowledgment this game ever occurred, it seems) the mini-Bulldogs actually outgained the funny-name roosters by 18 yards. So why no points? 113 yards in penalties, two lost fumbles, and an interception probably didn't help. Coastal Carolina scored 16 in the first, then apparently allowed fans to come down and finish out the game. And the fans scored 14 more points. You see where SC State's season is going.

(1) Florida State Seminoles (2-0)

Bye week. The team's main focus is preparing for next Saturday while keeping a certain quarterback away from supermarkets and/or seafood establishments.

North Carolina Tar Heels (2-0)

Not playing this week either; I don't have a joke to put here because I so often forget UNC even fields a football program.

N.C. State Wolfpack (3-0)

Won 49-17 over USF, who I think is secretly a Division II team. The Bulls gave up 589 total yards while producing 159 of their own. Much like Murray State and Louisville last time, this game was just never close. No, not even in the first quarter, when the score was 14-7 NC State. That scoreboard is lying. Bra'Lon Cherry accounted for three NC State touchdowns. Their offense was balanced (274 passing, 315 rushing) against a team that probably doesn't really exist, so assign credit with a critical eye until the Wolfpack beat Florida State again.

Louisville Cardinals (2-1)

Lost to Virginia 23-21. Welp. Remember what I said in week one about the offensive line? Virginia pressured Will Gardner relentlessly, sacking him twice. And then he threw two interceptions, which combined with two fumbles to give the Cardinals four turnovers. Backup QB Reggie Bonnafon was put in right before halftime and didn't do much, so Gardner came back in late, leading two touchdown drives. But Louisville couldn't stop the run. I repeat: they couldn't stop some portion of Virginia's offense. That sentence doesn't even make sense. The Cavaliers had three turnovers themselves, which once again means their best offense really is their defense.

Boston College Eagles (2-1)

Defeated USC 37-31 because, wait, what. I only need two stats here to explain why this happened: Boston College ran for 452 yards on 54 attempts, or 8.4 yards per carry. USC ran for 29 yards on 20 attempts, or 0.7 yards per carry, an absolutely Wake Forestian number. Tyler Murphy accounted for 191 of those yards. Now for some fun: USC passed for 317 while BC passed for 54, an equally Wake Forestian number. The Eagles are the manliest manball team east of Stanford, and I fear for the rest of the Atlantic.

Syracuse Orange (2-0)

Won 40-3 over Central Michigan, who had 217 total yards of offense. The Orange, apparently acknowledging their quarterback situation is less than optimal, decided to gain most of this yardage (289 of it, to be exact) by running all over the place. The - I don't know what CMU calls themselves and can't be bothered to look - lost two fumbles as well. Oddly, they held a three point lead all the way through the first quarter, only for Syracuse to score 17 in the second and never look back. Looks like someone was emulating Georgia Tech.

Wake Forest Demon Deacons (1-2)

I don't know how Wake ended up in Utah, but they certainly packed their Wake-itude, losing 36-24 to Utah State (another friggin' Aggie team, good lord). How'd they screw up this time? Sit down. Besides having three turnovers, Wake rushed for -25 yards on 24 attempts. That brings their average rushing per game to 22.7, 127th in the nation, and I swear there are only 120 FBS teams. Wake is so bad at this they've broken math itself... but they nearly came back and won! Utah State solved that with 331 passing yards.

Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (3-0)

And speaking of Georgia Tech, they did it again except in reverse. Yes, they beat Georgia Southern 42-38, but forgot the third quarter existed. The Eagles ran up 552 yards, literally running for 307 of those, while the bees rushed for 348. Were there defensive lines in this game? Oh well. GSU scored four consecutive TDs in the third and early fourth quarters to take a 38-35 lead, only to lose after Justin Thomas passed to Deon Hill for a score with 35 seconds left. In a game with all the runs. That's gotta be close to irony.

Georgia State Panthers (1-2)

Lost to Air Force 48-38, in another one of those games where some of the numbers don't make sense. There were 1,089 total yards, for instance. Georgia State got 414 of their share with passing, while Air Force got 313 of their share by running. They even managed to hold the Panthers to only 135 yards on the ground! And there was just one turnover by Georgia State! Based on this, it appears that each team just ran 22 players on offense all day and gave their defenses a vacation.