(8) Georgia Bulldogs (9-2, 6-2 SEC)
This was a bye week against Charleston Southern, let's be honest. Georgia won this "game" 55-9, rushing for 310 and throwing for 270 on their way to "victory." More like shame, if you ask me. That's all I'm writing for this, as I'm matching the SEC's late-season scheduling effort.
South Carolina State Bulldogs (8-4, 6-2 MEAC)
Hey, this is SC State's last game! And they beat Norfolk State 30-20. Using the power of a balanced offense - wait, how did Norfolk State gain more yards and still lose by ten points? Something's wrong. Oh, I see: they rushed for 16 yards. SC State rushed for 30. Behold the glory of MEAC football. So, who won the conference? I don't know. There's a five-way tie at 6-2.
The editors told me not to swear in articles, but I can't stand it anymore. That damn team won again, 20-17, because damn it. Damn it! The game-winning kick came after Jameis Winston led them 66 yards to get in range. Damn it! He threw another interception too, which is always funny. Now I have to depend on Florida or Georgia Tech to shut up #FSUTwitter for another five years? Damn it! No, no, it's fine. Oregon is going to annihilate these fools in the playoffs. Go Ducks! Oh yeah, and Winston shoved a referee in an effort to get the snap off quicker.
North Carolina Tar Heels (6-5, 4-3 ACC)
Punched Duke repeatedly in the face, 45-20. With 592 yards of offense. Each team had three turnovers, and UNC also had a busload of penalties, but the Blue Devils made Marquise Williams look like Bryce Petty. This hands the division to Georgia Tech, so get ready for the ACC Championship Game sponsored by cut blocks.
N.C. State Wolfpack (6-5, 2-5 ACC)
Didn't play this week. If the bye counts as a conference matchup, just assume they lost anyway. They play at UNC next weekend.
(24) Louisville Cardinals (8-3, 5-3 ACC)
Defeated Notre Dame 31-28. I wonder if the rest of the country will believe us now when we talk about the Cardinals' defense, which held the Irish to 99 rushing yards. Not that Notre Dame didn't fight (see what I did there); in fact, they came almost all the way back. What finally did them in? A missed field goal.
Gee, I have no idea what that feels like.
Syracuse Orange (3-8, 1-6 ACC)
Lost to Pitt 30-7. While losing three turnovers. How bad do you have to be to lose more turnovers than Pitt? Even worse, the Orange barely managed 100 rushing and passing yards against a team whose defense can be best described as "has the maximum allowed number of players and sometimes exists." At least basketball season has started.
Wake Forest Demon Deacons (3-8, 1-6 ACC)
No,your eyes don't deceive you - Wake won an ACC game. They beat Virginia Tech 6-3 in 2OT. Yes, you also read that right. Did you see this game? If you did, I'm so sorry. I didn't! VT gained 254 yards, while Wake gained 234 - in a double-overtime game - and I honestly can't see how Frank Beamer is not fired at season's end. In fact, everyone responsible for this game should be fired immediately.
(16) Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (9-2, 6-2 ACC)
Bye week! They have Georgia in Sanford Stadium next, and for once it may actually be worth watching.
South Carolina Gamecocks (6-5, 3-5 SEC)
Defeated South Alabama 37-12. Everyone had five turnovers: USA (USA! USA!) had four picks, and South Carolina lost four fumbles to a Sun Belt team. Again, this game is getting the bye week treatment because SEC scheduling is stupid.