(9) Georgia Bulldogs (6-1, 4-1 SEC)
Decided not to play football this week in order to rest up for most daunting opponent, Florida. I typed that with a straight face, and yes you should assume I'm lying about typing it with a straight face.
South Carolina State Bulldogs (5-3, 3-1 MEAC)
Sacked Bethune-Cookman 20-14, and I do mean sacked; the Mini-Bulldogs racked up eight sacks on Quentin Williams. If only this game had been on TV. With a 91-yard punt returned for a TD, a fumbled snap returned for a TD, a game winning TD pass - those last two happened in 17 seconds, by the way - this game would have been a lot more fun to watch than... I don't know, Michigan at Michigan State.
(2) Florida State Seminoles (7-0, 4-0 ACC)
Decided not to play football either in order to prepare for actual, genuinely somewhat-daunting opponent Louisville on Thursday night.
North Carolina Tar Heels (4-4, 2-2 ACC)
Coastal'd Virginia 28-27 in a, well, I don't know what this is. It's the ACC Coastal. UNC's Mitch Trubisky threw the game-winner - his only play of the game, because Marquise Williams lost his helmet on the play before and had to come out. Virginia gained more yards but also had two turnovers, and lacked the offensive firepower to do more than tie or take small leads after the first quarter. I will now note that every team in the Coastal except Duke and VT has two losses. It's magic!
N.C. State Wolfpack (4-4, 0-4 ACC)
They didn't play either! Their next opponent is Syracuse, which should be a fun game, if your idea of fun is being stabbed by a pitchfork made of influenza.
Louisville Cardinals (6-2, 4-2 ACC)
Basically, nobody in the Atlantic played this week.
I think we all know who won this, 23-17. Boston College built their lead early with two touchdowns and a field goal in the first half, then let Wake come a lot of the way back because it's hard to stay awake when you're playing them, really. Wake executed their formula to flawless perfection, giving up 202 rushing yards while gaining 19. Brilliant! And yet John Wolford threw for 243 yards and an interception. While getting sacked four times. Wake Forest, folks.
Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets (6-2, 3-2 ACC)
I know you'll read that the bees won 56-28 and be like, yeah, okay, typical Georgia Tech. You are wrong. They didn't win this game; Pitt won for them with five consecutive fumbles on their first five drives. GT led 28-0 in the first quarter. Pitt had six turnovers in all. And defense? You came to the wrong neighborhood. There were 1,138 total yards in this game. How do you only score 28 points on 526 yards, Pitt? Stupid Coastal Division.
Georgia State Panthers (1-7, 0-5 Sun Belt)
Lost 69-31 to Georgia Southern, but as always these games aren't really about the final score. This week, the number to gawk at is the amount of rushing the Panthers gave up: 613 yards. Georgia Southern had 660 yards of offense. This was kind of a game early in the first quarter, too, and then touchdowns happened and the Panthers were gone again, like much of their season.
South Carolina Gamecocks (4-4, 2-4 SEC)
My fear has found a new target after this absolute gunfight of a game, which South Carolina lost 42-35. Despite three turnovers, South Carolina racked up 535 yards of offense at Auburn, 416 of which were passing. Offense is bad. Passing offense is worse. And they gained 6.2 yards a play! Oh no. Oh no. Maybe Auburn's defense just isn't that good? Maybe?
Someone go check on Deshaun Watson, please.