Letter to USC fans from another rival:

Something that came up on Battle of the Palmetto State last year, a letter to USuC fans from another 'rival':

Dear Gamecock fans:

I, along with all of the college football world, mock you openly and laugh in your face. What imbeciles you are. What fools. Lou Holtz was a retired failure who left his dream job in shame. Books were written, with cites, as to his fraudulent, despicable, and shameful behavior as a head coach. It was well documented how he used, and abused, both the Universities and the young men who had the unfortunate circumstance of finding themselves at his flatulent mercy. And he did this at good schools. Schools with football tradition. Schools that didn't need a midget charlatan to cheat the way to victory. Decent schools. Fine learning institutions. In other words, not South Carolina.

So, of course, you tools welcomed him with open arms. You worshipped him. You stroked his ancient and hungering ego. You treated him as a God. While at the same time, he insulted you for your garbage strewn highways and backward manners. He used you, took your money, and guided you to the only 0-11 season in SEC history - and you bent over and said 'Thank you geezer, may I have another?'

You were warned. You were told, in detail, what would happen to your sorry program if you lifted your skirts for that dirty old man. Yet you did it with glee. With gratitude and thanksgiving, even.

Well, are you happy now? Knocked up with sanctions like we all said would happen. Screwed over and left wondering 'wha happened?' Well, Lou Holtz was your diddy and he's done skipped town. What a shock! Morons. Pure, unadulterated, moronosity.

And so what do you do? You go out and beg another old failure to take sinful advantage of you - Steve Spurrier. He of an ego at least as equal to the last geezer's. Like Holtz, he demands your worship. Your unfeigned praise and adoration. And you slope-headed retards, on cue, start building your golden calf (or is it chicken?).

News flash chicken-lovers - Like he did at his last job, Spurrier will take your money, take your praise, and leave after two failed seasons. And as he leaves he will take pot-shots at you and yours as he retires to Florida. The state he really loves. You are just there to stroke him into a final, wealthy retirement. Sound familiar?

Heck, I understand that sometimes a chicken gets it's head chopped off. But usually the chopper is someone else. I've never heard of a chicken gleefully chopping it's own head off .... until South Carolina fan, that is.

The college football world thanks you for the comedy. Nothing is more amusing than watching Mr. and Mrs. South Carolina fan fall for the same joke time and again. You're college football's equivelant of Wile E. Coyote. No, more like Wile E. Coyote's retarded, mangy, illegitimate cousin - R. Tard Coyote.

So thank you Gamecock fan. You're a bunch of idiots, but you do keep us in stitches.